Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
