my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm at about main and main street
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
