Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
