If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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