just tell him i said nine months
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
