It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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