I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize