i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
