Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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