According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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