So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
