dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
