I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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