Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
