I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
