Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
my liver is dry heaving
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
