She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
