remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
