I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
