Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
