I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
