well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
