yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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