omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
