you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize