Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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