my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
there was a trapeze. enough said
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
