Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
