he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
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We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
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She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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