I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
