Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
