Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
