As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
