I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
