I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
you had me at cake vodka
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
