I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
