kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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