Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
