Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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