if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
