Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
