Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Two words: nipple clamps
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