My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
