community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
