You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
