I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
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btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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