There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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