dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
