Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
