So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
