I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
