Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
