i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
