if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
