We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
