I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
