Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
is that a dick in a sweater?
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