Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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