my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize