my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
