He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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