she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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