i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
