worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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