I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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