thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
