she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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